Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in Lummy's InsaneJournal:

Saturday, October 3rd, 2009
10:44 pm	Letters to, oh, you know your name! Entry: Lost Count J. P., GAH! I am so sorry I neglected to write you. (Writing that in itself made a wave of stress wash over me.) I have so much to do. So much that's expected of me. And if you were to ask my step father if that were true he would laugh and disagree. But I do. I have to study for the SAT (WHICH IS HELL, I HATE MATH!), I have to look for a job, my bank expects me to pay them $34 a month to pay of my overdrafted account and I'm out of money, my parents want me to help around the house, I have to come up with a plan for this Picture Party thing, I have to buy things with money that I NEED to hold on to, I have to call people back, I have to find a birthday present for my brother, (Okay, now I'm making things up) But it did seem like there was alot on my plate. Lately I've been lazying around. The three main things I do: sleep, internet surf, read books. Those are the three things I do most 24/7. I don't eat a whole lot because I sleep through breakfast and lunch. When I wake up I might have a little something, but it's not like I really want much. Then I eat at dinner, which is a good amount. OH MY GOD, John! EastEnders is AMAZING!!! I've been loving the storyline. I wonder what Monday will bring me. I can't believe it took so long for there to be a second kiss!!! AND WHAT A KISS IT WAS! Actually, you and Marc Elliot pretty much made out on camera! I love seeing Syed wake up in your bed! He looked so comfortable! You and Marc must be pretty close, which brings me to the question again: What does Jon Tsouras think of that? He probably watches EastEnders to see you being the ever so sexy Christian Clarke; so what does he say about the love scenes and the storyline with you and Marc? I bet he probably understands, and is proffesional about it. Jon is a cutie. He's interesting looking, but still cute! Very...elvish. lol... Anyhoo, I think I'll go read some old posts now. With love, Miranda Kaye Current Mood: curious (Comment on this)
Monday, August 24th, 2009
2:43 pm	Letters to J.P.: Entry...Gah, I lost count. Johnny Boy, August 22, 2009, So... I am unemployed. I finally stuck up for myself today. My (ex) manager didn't have the balls to tell me that I was being laid off. She didn't give me any shifts for next week so...I asked her if I was wasting my time there and basically I am. So...I'm looking for a new job. XP Well...I was wanting to quit anyways.... I was just too much of a coward to speak up. But today I had a really good reason to get pissed off. She said I didn't get any shifts this next week because school is starting and the mall is going to be dead and there is no need for someone to do storefront. So basically she's saying that's all I'm good for. Isn't that some shit?! Maybe if they trained me to do other things like TAKE FUCKING PICTURES, and SELL PACKAGES then I'd be good for other things! I'm not that bad of a photographer. I'm just new to it. Plus, almost all of the sessions I shot were babies and small children that wouldn't fucking cooperate!!! NOT MY FAULT! So...whatever. Well, pray for me so that I get this job at Freestyles. Love you. --------To all my readers (if there are any). Here is a video made of the latest episode of EastEnders. (Christian x Syed storyline, anyways) Current Mood: blah Current Music: Time of the Season-The Zombies (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 20th, 2009
6:55 pm	Personal Journal: Entry 1: What am I still doing with him?! So... I've been with this guy since the end of March and it was going pretty good for awhile but now it's weird. WE NEVER talk. EVER! And not because we're angry with eachother. That almost never happens. We've definitely drifted apart. I mean, I care about him (don't nessicarily love him like no other boy I've been with before. And I can't see myself with him forever) but I don't think he's the one. I met him on myspace and like a month after talking to him online and over the phone he starts calling me 'baby'! So, I'm like "Wtf? Why are you calling me that? Do you consider me your girlfriend?" So, oblivious to the fact that I'm freaked out by this he says "Of course I consider you my girlfriend, baby. I love you with all my heart." *rolls eyes* He's FAKE! Or clinically insane! I'd never even met the fucker until after I started working at a movie theatre and he says he loves me! Note that I wasn't interested in him when the relationship started. I said "Well..okay." Because I was desperate. Don't get me wrong. He's a very sweet and great guy. (Fucking hot, too.) But we have almost nothing in common. Plus, he's my age and...I don't like that. I like older men because I usually share the same interests with them. Like classic rock/good films/same sense of humor/above average I.Q./plus, I'm into the goth thing and how many 17 year olds do you know who actually listen to goth rock? I'm talknig about Bauhaus, The Sisters of Mercy, Christian Death, Corpus Delicti, Alien Sex Fiend, Specimen, etc! None of this Marilyn Manson or Cradle of Filth bullshit! (Even though I kind of like a few songs from both of those bands. The point is, they are not goth and most 17 year olds have skewed ideas on what is goth!) This guy I'm with thinks Nightwish and Evanescence is goth! I know, not a big deal. I do try to school him in. He doesn't listen. He's all into video games and cartoons (and not just Adult Swim or Comedy Central! Shit like Spongebob and such). He's got such a child like mentality. He's told me of how violent he gets (and over little shit!). But he said he'd never hurt me. That's what they all say, right? He gets upset over little junk. He is a great person on the inside, it's just.... he's not the one for me. So, I don't know what I should do! He's bi polar, as well. And he's also been in psych hopsitals. For some sick reason when I was 13 I thought I wanted to date someone with mental and emotional issues. Boy, was I wrong. Can I date a stable person for once?!?! Well, at least he's not a clinger. Fuck, I might not be as sketchy about the whole thing if he was! I'm afraid he's going to hurt himself somehow if I break up with him. Anyone have any suggestions? (That is if anyone reads my journal!) Current Mood: cranky Current Music: Miracles by Dave Gahan (Comment on this)
3:55 pm	Letters to J.P.: Entry 11 BONUS VIDEO! My sweet John!, It seems like only ten minutes ago I was complaining about Eastenders not coming on! All I did was go to youtube to watch an interview with you and this was on my subscriptions! *swoons* You are SO beautiful in this episode! Well, you are in everything you do! There is so much chemistry between you and Marc! *Is truly happy* LOVE YOU!!! Current Mood: giddy Current Music: Lady Gaga-Poker Face (don't ask why) (Comment on this)
3:22 pm	Letters to John Partridge (Not in my journal): Entry 10 Hey Johnny Boy, August 20th, 2009 (4:23pm) Turns out my step dad didn't call me a fucking idiot. He said "If you believe everything you hear, you must be a fucking idiot." He said he was making a generalization about people who beleive the stories in National Enquirer and he wasn't talking about me. So, we're all good. G is pretty cool. He's like a buddy-step dad. *Takes a sip of refreshing apple soda* He buys me apple soda all the time. He's way cool. Plus, he lets me drink Smirnoff Ice. In Soviet Russia, buzzed gets you! Oh yeah. I just got into watching the comedy of Yakov Smirnof. He's pretty hilarious. "I make fun of Cleveland because everyone makes fun of Cleveland. Is that correct? Every country has a city they make fun of. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland." XD Didn't expect that one! Anyways, I've been typing up those last 9 entries all day and I'm quite tired of journaling. I think I might create some fanfiction about CATS or at least you and Jacob Brent. Maybe Eastenders. Damnit! When is my storyline coming back on! You were on for like...4 minutes from the one on Monday and now it's Thursday! When are you coming back on?! I can't wait to see what happens with you and Syed! Anyway, love ya! Current Mood: anxious Current Music: Some Garbage song is stuck in my head. (Comment on this)
3:15 pm	Letters to John Partridge: Entries 8 and 9 J.P, So I uploaded 35 pictures of you on my myspace page today. You are so gorgeous! You actually kissed a female fan of yours! Why couldn't it have been me?! heh. I'm not obsessed! ENTRY 9---Johnny Boy, My step dad called me a "fucking idiot" today. Really. Those were his exact words. He wasn't playing with me either. He treated me like he hated me this morning. I do not deserve to be called such a thing and to be treated like a dog! I am NOT an idiot! I cried the whole way to work. I messed up my make up and everything. That really fucknig hurt me! When someone close to you calls you a fucking idiot, why shouldn't it hurt?! I'll talk to him today about it, and how much his words are taken to heart. I can't believe my mom didn't hear him say it. I know she'd be pissed off to hear about it. She was wondering why I was crying when we were in the car but I didn't want to talk about it. Fuck...my phone doesn't work. Well, I guess i'll write later. P.S. I'm so excited about Eastenders today!!! Current Mood: morose Current Music: None (Comment on this)
3:10 pm	Letters to John Partridge: Entry 7 John, I have five minutes before work. Scratch that, four minutes. I'm not thrilled about it either. I think there's a gay couple here. Hmm...I think I'll go ahead and clock in. I hope (insert co worker's name) will bring them back here. I hope I'll get to shoot a gay couple. (That sounded wrong.)-----two days later---- John, I have six minutes before work. Turns out those people weren't gay. It was a father + son (they came for his son's graduation pictures). I was hoping it were two gay men. I love it. And I'm not just saying that because you're gay. Hey! Did you ever hook up with Jacob Brent? I had this dream a few nights ago that this woman who also works in the mall and I were singing "The Rum Tum Tugger" song. She knew it better than me. lol...Well, I gotta go to work. I (heart) U! Current Mood: lazy Current Music: None (Comment on this)
2:54 pm	Letters to John Partridge: Entry 6 J.P, (((Again, no specified time and date))) Some guy who reminded me SO much of Jacob Brent asked me if I was having a baby today. I was doing store front and he apporached me and smiled, "You having a baby?" I said, "No, I'm not" (Just carry all my fat in my belly.) lol. Well, I was wearing a Maternity blouse. WhaT? Maternity clothes fit better!) So, how are you? I wonder what Christian + Syed have in store for me next week! I heard you're coming back on the 14th + Syed will be back on the 17th. I'm anxious to see if Syed comes out to his mother and Amira! What was it like to kiss Marc Elliot? Is he straight? Gay? Curious??? I feel like I have to know. You want to know what I think? I bet if Marc isn't already gay or likes men, he will after this storyline ends. How could he not when he's got a TOTAL hunk to kiss and flirt with on the show?! Oh my god, if I were a straight man and I played a closet case on EasEnders with you I'd TOTALLY turn gay! Or, at least realize that I'm gay. I don't believe it's a choice one bit. I wish I was someone important in your world. Someone you cared about. (Oh shit, I can see myself falling into obsession) Don't worry. I got this. So, I know all roles are different but which role did you like playing the most? Which was the most difficult? I would think that R.T.Tugger would be the funnest! I love how you sing in that film. Taboo was a great one for you, too. Marilyn said he wasn't that camp. Bullshit! He might not have dressed the way you did in the play but he was still pretty camp! Anyhoo, I got to get to bed. I (heart) U! P.S. Where is Veerle Casteleyn from??? Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: Memory-CATS (Dutch version) (Comment on this)
12:51 pm	Letters to John Partridge: Entry 5 J.P, (((Didn't mention time or date))) Okay, I'm never eating chicken parmesan fast food style again. I can tell that I am going to pay for this later. Gross, I got food particles on my journal. I'm on break right now and forced to hear carnival music. (The carousel is in front of me) I get off in two hours after I come back from break. Cool. The money that I'm "missing out on" today is not a concern of mine ( my concern is my sanity). How much will it be? $15? Probably (((Note: It would actually be $10)) I get paid five dollars an hour plus commision for doing certian things in the store. I wonder how much money I have. (Counts in Transylvanian accent) Seventeen. Seventeen dollars. Eh Eh! lol. Did you watch Seseme Street when you were little? Or do they have something else where you grew up? Seseme Square? Get it? Because of Albert Square? Okay, bad joke. Mleh. I think I'm gonna buy a CD now...or an album (record album). Speaking of, I just saw one of the clerks at the store I was going to go buy music from! Well...later. P.S. I still can't stand my brother in law! XP Current Mood: sick Current Music: Lord of Trance-DJ Tiesto (Comment on this)
12:44 pm	Letters to John Partridge: Entry 4 J.P, August 8th, 2009 (10:58am) So, I did have somewhat of clean clothes today. Thank God! I have basically an hour before I have to be at work. My parents are still cooking breakfast for everyone. I don't see how this is gonna work. I can't be late. I'll be fired. And with how the recession is going...well, it's a recession. I probably won't be able to find another job. Gah, I miss Rob. There was this guy at my work who I got along with from day one of working there. He's 53 but very young at heart. He could always make me smile. I ALMOST developed a small crush on him. (I didn't, though.) He quit a few days ago. He'll be back. Hehehe. Anyways, I'm going to finish getting ready. oXoXo P.S. John, my brother in law, is calling me "(insert first name) honey". Creepy... Current Mood: blah Current Music: White Rabbit by Collide (Comment on this)
12:21 pm	Letters to John Partridge: Entry 3 J, August 8th, 2009 (1:05am) I can't call you John anymore because I've officially grown hatred for that name. Reason behind this new found animosity: My new brother in law's name is John and he is the epitomy of the kind of guy I can't stand. The kind of guy I hated in High School. Don't get me wrong-he's not ALL bad...BUT! I really dislike his kind. Ultra-conservative, gay bashing, wannabe cowboy. He's...a...douchebag. I love my sister, and I want her to be happy but fuck! Why did she have to marry this total dick?! Ooooh, and he doesn't like me either! WE were all watching Dazed and Confused. Matthew McWhat'shisfuck is in it and my mother was talking about she thought he was so hot. I accidentally said "His drawl-" Right away my sister puts her hand over John's mouth because she knew that I wasn't going to say anthing nice about Matthew's Texas accent, thus provoking John to say something mean in return about me or goth culture. "-disgusts me." I finished. I have the right to my opinion. AND he insulted my culture earlier today so I had to hold my tongue! Why shouldn't he hold his? But now he knows that I'm a redneck/kicker/hick/cowboy/country-fuck (whatever you fancy) hater. Those people disgust me and are annoying as HELL! He is almost everything I stand against. I don't know what my sister sees in him. She's so much better than that! I mean, she's not as supporting of gay pride/marriage and the like as I am. (She said she doesn't understand it. WTF?!) but she's okay with it. Makes no sense. But maybe she's just trying to not piss me off. I'm not even going to bring up the subject of how much I support gay marriage with John. Much less that I love gays and wish I was a gay man! But if he starts to push my buttons he'll hear exactly what I think of him and his bigotry! J.P, I bet where you grew up it wasn't so intolerant and ignorant. I hate Texas. I wish I lived in a northern state or fuck, even Europe. (Not Estonia, because they're all fucked up there!lol jk) Have you seen the movie Orphan? It's really good. I was literally on the edge of my seat the whole movie. So suspensful! Anyways, it's late and I have work tomorrow. FUCK! I didn't wash any clothes! Gah!...I'll do it in the morning. ......fuck! Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: Low Place Like Home by Sneaker Pimps (Comment on this)
12:09 pm	Letters to John Partridge: Entry 2 John P., August 6th, 2009 (9:58pm) I bought my Depeche Mode tickets today. I was so excited in Fiesta. (It's a grocery store in my part of the city that caters mainly to filthy, spanish only speaking, cheap, uneducated mexicans. I can't stand to be around them. They are so stupid. ((And strangely more fertile than all other races!)) It's not that I'm racist, becaue I'm not. I just hate when people come to this country and don't bother to learn the fucking laguage or traffic laws! Plus, I hate being stared at by creepy men because I'm a big, pretty (most of the time), white girl. Mexican men love that shit. I hate living in ****** ******. Houston is terrible. I want to move back to my hometown. What's your hometown like? Oh, great. I have to get up early tomorrow morning and clean before my new found sister, her new husband, and their children (not together) get here. 1 four year old boy, 1 five year old boy, 1 six year old girl. So...thrilled. GAH! My iPod is messing up again! FUCK! How do you feel when you kiss the actor who plays Syed Masood on the Eastenders? Marc Elliot, I think. He's pretty cute. But don't you have a boyfriend? How does he feel about that? I bet he's okay with it. Is Marc Elliot gay? Bisexual? Is he even middle eastern? I heard he wasn't. Well, my neck hurts. I'm going to bed. oXoXo Current Mood: hungry Current Music: Queer by Garbage (Comment on this)
11:22 am	Letters to John Partridge: Entry 1 John Partridge, Wednesday, August 5th, 2009 Okay, so this is my first official letter to you. I've written three so far but they were complete nonsense so I'm making this my number one. I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is ******* ****. I'm going to be 18 in 77 days. I live in HELL (Houston, TX) I work in a photography studio in the mall (well, one of the many malls in Houston) and I pretty much can not stand much of it any longer. I don't even get to take pictures of anything! -----Goes back to work-------- -Ewugh!- 11:11pm Okay, so I'm home (have been for awhile) and am just watching Chelsea Lately. She's pretty funny. She reminds me of my manager, though. So she's probably a bitch. Eastenders hasn't shown any Christian/Syed in about 5 days and I'm getting antsy! (Break) Haha! I'm watching Will & Grace. Lots of gay jokes. LOVE it! If you can't laugh at yourself, what can you laugh at? ...actually, I've never agreed with that phrase. But if you're thinking right now, "What is she talking about?" I'm a gay man in a woman's body. I've really thought about gender reassignment surgery but I don't think sex would be pleasurable. Maybe in the next life I will be male! Let's hope, ja? It's so weird, though. All my fantasies consist of is...gay men/boys I can't think of a heterosexual couple. It's just not natural to me. It intereferes with my relationships, too. ~~~~~ 2:38 am ~~~~~ I feel a bit awkward... I just watched Taxi Cab Confessions with my mother. How odd is that? We watched an episode with a drag queen/escort. He said he was bisexual but preffered women. All he would do with a man is a blow job or a handjob. He would never be "bent over" is what he said. If I was a man (gay) I'd probably give and receive. I'd like to experiance all kinds of pleasure! Maybe no sadism/masochism. (okay, maybe I would) I just feel like I can tell you anthing, John. My brother's name is John. My brother in law (one of them)as well. Weird. My two favorite actors names are John (Obviously you, and Johnny Depp) Right now I like you more than old Depp. He's starting to sell out. Okay, starting??? He already has. Still love him, though... I'm listening to this interesting group called Orbital. It's kind of like techno/electronica/rave. I don't usually listen to stuff like that but I will make an exception for Orbital. Anyhoo....I think I'm going to read for awhile. I'll write tomorrow. End-2:46 am P.S-My iPod just died but I am hearing Depeche Mode for some reason! Sweetest Perfection is the song. Current Mood: hungry Current Music: Guttersnipe from Everything Taboo (Comment on this)